Pen Pal Guidelines

Guidelines

All applicants must agree to abide by these guidelines in order to participate:

• You must respect the privacy and confidentiality of their pen pal. 
• You may decline to write about, and may ask their pen pal to avoid, uncomfortable topics. 
• You may decline to share personal information at your discretion. 
• You should respect these personal choices. Not doing so could become grounds for terminating the match.
• You should not communicate with any other person through your pen pal match. 
• You will not request or send items considered contraband by the prison facility.
• We expect participants to exchange letters for at least six months, although many matches last longer.
• You may confer with CLF staff to ask advice or discuss concerns, and either pen pal may request that the match be terminated.

 

Expectations and Notes for a Successful Pen Pal Relationship

Participation requires patience and persistence, as many things can interfere with your attempt to exchange letters with your match. Pen pals who are not incarcerated can become busy with work, family, and other personal concerns. Pen pals who are incarcerated face a number of potential barriers, including:

• inconsistent access to paper, pens, envelopes or stamps (and often aren’t allowed to receive these from “outside”)
• transfer to another facility with no notice
• personal property trashed or declared “lost” while they’re out of their cells/dorms
• general delays in the prison’s processing of mail

We ask our pen pals to exchange letters about once a month, and there’s no requirement to wait for a response. If you have more to say than your match, you can write again before you receive a reply. If your match writes more often than you care to, you can reply to several letters with one of yours. In time, each match finds its own pace.

 

It’s a good idea for pen pals to start every letter by giving the date(s) of the letter(s) you’ve received since you last wrote, and the date(s) of any letter(s) that you’ve sent IF you’re not sure your match received them. If you write and don’t hear back, then write again! If you send two letters with no reply in over two months, notify the CLF staff.

 

The CLF’s only expectation is that participants write friendly letters on topics of mutual interest. If either pen pal comes to some difficulty or discomfort in the match or simply does not wish to continue, please contact CLF’s Prison Ministry staff. We can help address any problems that may have arisen and/or help bring your match to a caring conclusion. We’d rather avoid matches that end with participants wondering why they never heard back from their match, or feeling bad that they just quit writing with no explanation.

 

It is important to address envelopes to your pen pal using their full official name and prisoner ID number. Your pen pal will see how you address the envelope being sent to their facility. Pen pals may choose to send their letters via our Pen Pal Hub at Community Church of New York. Further instructions on how to do this will be sent to you when you sign up.

 

For physical letters, please send only plain white paper and black or blue ink. Avoid any metal (no paperclips, metal clasps on envelopes, foil on cards/envelope liners, unnecessary staples), stationery, cards, colored markers/pencils/highlighters/sharpies/etc., and stickers/labels (even for return addresses).

 

Our only expectation is that you will exchange letters. If you want to send anything else, first ask your pen pal if the item is desired and allowed. Prisons vary widely in what they allow, so make sure you also check the facility’s website for specific rules.

 

Everything you write in your letters can also be read by prison staff and any other people who are incarcerated who might have access to your pen pal’s personal possessions. Please honor your pen pal’s need for discretion in their letters and in yours. Follow their lead on how to discuss things you may not be sure how to approach. When in doubt, ask!

 

People experiencing incarceration as well as people in the free world vary widely in their sense of appropriate behaviors and boundaries. You may need to remind your pen pal about the letter-writing guidelines and the need to stick to them.  

 

Be clear with your pen pal on topics you don’t want to write about or be asked about.

 

If you ever have questions, problems, or concerns, do not hesitate to contact the CLF Prison Ministry. We’re here to offer advice and support to our letter-writers.